Extended Family and Friends
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Sometimes it can be hard to know how to help someone when their child has been diagnosed with cancer. You will also be affected, and having lots of different feelings. You may not know what to say, or feel that you are getting in the way. Do not be surprised if your offers of assistance are initially rebuffed. There are some things that the parents of a child with cancer want and need to do for themselves, but there are many other things they will welcome from you. Offering something specific is better than saying, “If there’s anything I can do”. Do not wait for them to call you. Call them.
If none of the following suggestions work, ask what else you can do.
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- Respect the family’s privacy, confidentiality and needs: Do things their way. Abide by their wishes.
- Listen: Be a sounding board without giving advice, trying to fix the problem or discounting the feelings that are being expressed. Let them talk out their feelings or decisions with you without judgement. Do not be afraid to talk about the cancer. You will not remind them of it; it is already on their minds. On the other hand, they do want to talk of other things besides the cancer.
- Learn the basics about the illness: If you feel comfortable with the idea, try to learn something about the child’s illness and treatment. It will help you understand better what the child and family are going through.
- Visit the hospital: Keep visits short. Be sensitive to the child’s and parent’s needs. Do not take it personally if they are having a bad day, and the visit needs to be rescheduled. Provide transportation for family members, friends, and child’s friends to visit as well.
- Run errands: Do food shopping, get the car inspected, wait for a repairman, pick up dry cleaning, or take a pet to the vet.
- Provide food: Single portions and disposable containers are both helpful. Find out what the child can and will eat and bring extra of these.
- Baby sit: The main need is usually care for the well siblings, but if you are able to care for the sick child as well, do so.
- Be a fairy godmother to the siblings: Spend time with them, do something fun, write them cards and notes. If you bring a gift for the sick child, bring one for the sibling(s) as well.
- Give parents a break: Spend time with the family at home or the hospital, allowing the parents to take a nap or go out alone.
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Adapted from Help List for Family and Friends from “Living with Childhood Cancer” by Leigh Woznick & Carol Goodheart.
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The end of treatment is a significant milestone, and families are often expected to be happy and relieved at this time. However, quite often families also find this a stressful period, as they will have less contact with hospital staff, and may feel anxious about “keeping an eye” on their child. Although, it may be difficult to understand, families may even miss the members of their treating team or other components of their routines within the hospital system. It is important to continue to offer support throughout this change as well.
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